Week 10 Feeling Conflicted

How do you learn best? Oral, visual, tactical, combination? Most people probably learn in a combination of ways, but I’m finding myself more in the visual camp. As an example, when we had a guest church choir director for 3 weeks (JD Steele), he taught us via the rote method. After all the years of reading music, this was extremely difficult for me. (Small comfort, others did also.) I like taking a class on how to use new-to-me software. I am not an experimenter.

When you get a product (like a desk) that comes in a box, do you follow all the directions exactly (lay out all the pieces to confirm you have all the parts, follow the directions of Step 1 followed by 2, 3, etc.) or do you just start putting the product together? I am the former as is my husband though my son is the latter who puts up with me. Early on in the course I put a ‘chore’ on my card that really wasn’t that simple so it didn’t get done. Unbelievably, I have tripped over that and felt like I had failed and subsequent weeks struggled with that small activity.

And then a few weeks later, an activity was added that took me way longer than the course probably budgets for due to my total inexperience with that technology. And then the next week was another technology item that I had zero experience for. I wanted someone sitting right next to me showing what to do next! And then came an invitation to spent an optional 30-60 minutes on a weekly group discussion. Oh, and then there is the need to make online comments and Tweet.

I am so overwhelmed that I have shut-down!

This isn’t a very positive post (okay, it is quite negative!), but it is where I am at this moment in time. Should I have not blogged but waited for this to possibly pass by?

I will head off to church in an hour to join in the weekly community meal (yeah to not have to cook!) and then attend an Advent service followed by choir rehearsal. I will smile, converse with others, ask people questions so they talk and feel important. I will be filled with peace by the service and by the words and physical action of singing.

And tomorrow will be a new day.

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11 thoughts on “Week 10 Feeling Conflicted

  1. You do what you can. I know some weeks I do great other weeks not so great, but every day I approach it as a blank page to be rewritten the right way and never look back. In this MOMENT flaws and all “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy!!” And so are you!

    You are doing great and Lori’s right, no need for apologies. We all feel overwhelmed, struggle with keeping up and getting things done, but we keep coming back and start a new blank page. Give your best. Some days my best is not what I think it should be but it is my best in that moment–in that moment I gave my all.

    Love, Hugs, Prayer’s and Good Will to you my friend.

    Juneta’s MKE Blog

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  2. You are not alone, many, including myself have struggled these last couple weeks. Then you get to a new passage in OG (I swear they time these for us)
    ~I will avoid despair, but if this disease of the mind should infect me, then I will work on in despair. I will toil and I will endure. I will ignore the obstacles at my feet and keep mine eyes on the goals above my head, for I know where dry desert ends, green grass grows~

    Where the Old Blueprint ends, finally! The lush pastures of the New Blueprint will make it all worthwhile!

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  3. Georgianne,
    I love what you are saying! I see your persistence. I feel your passion for the course. What you are doing is not gone unnoticed. It’s so great that you are getting what Marks saying in the webinars. Keep up the good work!

    MKE Certified Guide
    Caryn Kehrly

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gigi…your willingness to be open and honest is a very admirable thing. You are growing and learning new and unchartered personal terrain. Each time you feel like you are unsure of the how or the can I….remember two things….we are but a email or phone call away. AND most important….You are whole, perfect, strong, loving, harmonious and HAPPY! You are a true light to all, keep shining!!

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  5. Gigi – you may see this post as negative, but what I see is an outstanding observer hard at work!! Breathe in the fact that you are NOTICING your old blueprint in action….celebrate the keen observation, don’t loathe the old behavior. Is possible, just find your humor and have little a chuckle at yourself. The feelings of frustration and overwhelm you are having are giving you some great insight into past patterns. I encourage you to ponder this in one of your Sits (without pressuring yourself to find the answer right now). And no – you shouldn’t have waited until your feelings and subsequent post was all “positive”. What you did was show honesty and courage – .so bravo! Remember Og says, “we must practice the art of patience, for nature never acts in haste”. All it takes to escort the future you into reality is the hard mental labor you are now investing….and daily practice!

    Your love of structure and directions to build something new is your strength. The “directions” are masterfully provided in the course. When you combine the MKMMA framework (the directions) with your willingness to do your best to follow them….you have winning combination!! Will they challenge you? Absolutely! Will they sometimes frustrate you? Guaranteed. But LOOK AT YOU pressing on anyways! In my book you are an absolute rock star!! Thank you for your honest post.

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